HOMOVISION REHAB: INTERNET ADDICTION

Don’t say you haven’t done it – six hours on the the net with your trousers down and no time to get to Sainsburys. It’s easy, instant and you don’t have to look your best. Yes it’s modern day cottaging.

You don’t mean to, but how time flies when you are engrossed in a chat K hole, flicking Kit Kat crumbs off your keyboard. It was only going to be 10 mins (just to check messages… ) but then you got drawn into the orgy of time-wasting that is the norm for a host of intelligent gayers.

Here’s the real rub – addiction is bigger than intelligence. I remember a time, and I’m sure that you do too, when no one wanted a computer at home after sitting in front of a screen all day at work. I remember when the hottest pick-up was after HEAVEN Sunday morning at EasyEverything, everywhere they were.

Heads would pop up between desks for product identification, then a night bus home with trophy trade. Now it’s a question of local trade rather than quality goods, those chems are really not that choosy as long as it’s two streets away. The instant gratification of a child has a lot to answer for.

So the first question to ask yourself is: Do you stay on-line longer than intended?

The next question is what are you neglecting at home whilst camming with a Daddy in Ohio or embroiled in chat room chatter?

We know that Quentin Crisp never dusted for 30 years in his Chelsea flat, but there is no good reason to copy this stance now we have Mr Muscle and Parazone Toilet wipes for the intimate places. Maybe you live alone and don’t go out anymore – supported by the pipe and Miss Tina, and don’t notice how others live. The hobby of housecleaning is not to every gay man’s taste but the problem with any addiction that dominates is that isolation & low esteem become permanent foe.

The Swarmite has noticed an increase in enquiries from men over 40 (Gaydar age: 35) who spend hours wasting time on the net when going back to basics is in order.

BACK TO BASICS? – Yes, get out more, balance the virtual with real face to face interaction. The world of someone attached to the net is the same world as someone codependent. It’s a small world, a world that has less chance of rejection, a world that demands little and offers less. Its a set-up.

The internet, especially social networking and fetish sites have opened a pandora’s box of opportunities – now we need to open our minds to balanced usage. So ask yourself this question: Do you prefer boundary breaking internet flirting – including dirty, dirty slagboy talk – to intimacy in real life with any kind of partner you choose?

Both have virtues, one is no better than the other, they are just different and both ends of the spectrum can lead to codependent addiction, the fear of never having enough. The needy attachment to a boyfriend is no different from a needy attachment to the web and if you have a partner – do they throw a wobbly over the time you spend hunting for something better on your Mac? If you are in an open relationship maybe chems and compulsions are steering the relationship instead of good old fashioned face to face confrontation.

The new technologies have provided a mask, a chance to hide our identity to the point of losing our sense of self. If you become more practiced at online communication or ending a relationship by text or a facebook update you may wonder why anyone would want a relationship with you in the first place. Must be the big cock then, the gayers PRADA, they deny all logic to obtain it, the combination of cock addiction, approval and the net is a mixing bowl of temptation that many are hooked on for survival and recognition. As I said, modern day cottaging.

Something rarely acknowledged is the nighty-night timekeeping affect on work performance next day. We all know that lights go on Gaydar & facebook way after midnight and yet we get to work on-time, but the yawning, the errors and the guilt connected to time-wasting resides. Staying up all night on coke, booking whores you can’t afford and thinking you are forming REAL connections is as farcical as Jordan on a horse, but it happens. So ask yourself the obvious question. Be honest.

Using and abusing are two different things. Using the net and the reward it musters has improved our lives no end – not everyone is a net addict, but abusing the net is a silent disease, something we don’t tell friends about, a dis-ease of self and it is this that HOMOVISION REHAB is addressing. Net use, porn use, dating site use is a solitary activity and when loneliness and isolation are coupled with the addictive personality, then the using becomes abusing. More on this subject, including solutions will appear next TUESDAY on HOMOVISION with The Swarmite.

If you can’t wait till then or need help – pages of info and more blogs appear on his site http://www.theswarmite.com