HOMOVISION REHAB: INTERNET ADDICTION PART II

Think Chinese plate spinning – think tight concentration – think edging. Much like the addictive gambler who sits at the card table for hours, lost in the spell of playing the game, net users can spend long periods of time in a trance-like state of emotional and physical stimulation avoiding orgasm at all cost. Setting up the plates and seeing them crash to the ground is not the buzz – it’s the spin in-between. Hence my declaration in last weeks HOMOVISION REHAB on NET ADDICTION that Gaydar is modern day cottaging.

The buzz is not the arrival in that hallowed place, though that’s a high in itself, it’s not the waiting for something sent from heaven – it’s the thought of LEAVING that does you in. Should I stay or should I leave? Should I keep those plates spinning or would a crashing plate herald failure, wasted time and lost opportunity to gain approval? It’s not just a gayers game either, str8 m8s are close behind finding girls with their tops off, night & day.

Addictive personalities of any kind, even mild ones, can’t live in the moment for long. The focus is always ahead. Net users can become net abusers or net addicts even if they display no other addictive traits. Moderate net users are like moderate drinkers or occasional chem users, they live in balance. Many people use the net in this way but a fierce weekend chemed up with a sore knob on Monday is often the reality for those bang at it unable to leave the laptop closed.

We all know the realm of fantasy out there, the fake pics, ages, countries and Gaydar at large. Hallo. It’s easier to understand coke, tina and K addictions than behavioral ones. People become addicted to a certain behavior (like hiding behind no pic or a written profile) – they feel untouchable, powerful and in full control as a voyeur. Net abusers get the same high from chat rooms as other abusers get from alcohol and drugs. These behaviors induce chemical changes in the brain and behavioral abusers then become addicted to the way that their fantasies and activities influence their own neuro-chemistry. It’s like a personal fetish – how often do you return to the same porn site, image or escort to complete the happy finish? It’s like ET – returning home.

Use the net but don’t let it use you. One of the SOLUTIONS to net abuse is to open up your world. Stuck in a wrap, a pipe or a spliff while surfing reduces not only your judgement but develops the habit of isolation, a trusted companion. Learning to flirt online is good practice but no substitute for face to face interaction so make sure that you also go out at least once a week with friends and preferably ones you haven’t slept with. A hard task I know, but it’s possible. This will give you practice and the experience of the real chems – personal chemistry- and a mixed social life. If you think you spend too much time on the net change your schedule. Changing the times you log on will attract a different crowd so mix and match to avoid routine. Decide how long you want to go on for and find that old Mickey Mouse alarm clock to ring you off the keyboard. You know how time flies.

If you get a high logging on – then log off straight away – and write down on a sheet of paper (yes proper – with a pen) how you feel and what emotions you are bringing to the table for using the net will overide your REAL feelings, like smack dominates a junkies arm. Become more aware before logging on, during and after web time, this will slow you down and allow you to see whether web time is a problem area. It’s tedious I know to check yourself but so is time-wasting so make your choices.

Any form of SOLUTION involves ACTION & CHANGE so seek any outside help available to examine your lifestyle. Witness your web world as a spinning plate -YOU made the choice to obtain the pole and plate, to play a game to override what your REAL needs are so you CAN learn to unravel where you control and where you decide to be controlled.

So here are a few more questions to focus on to achieve balance:

Do you become defensive or secretive when someone asks you what you do online?
Do you plan ahead and feel the heart beating faster when getting online gets closer?
Do you sometimes think that the real world is dull & boring but the internet brings adventure. Perhaps you have tried to cut down but always return to the old schedule?

This is common.

One method of healthy observation and control is to confide in a friend that you need help in adjusting web use and ask if you can ring them just before you embark online. A web mentor. Try to find someone who will challenge usage or suggest you delay gratification. Talk it through till the craving leaves. This is difficult for any compulsive because they justify every move so prepare to face denial, most net abusers have multiple addiction issues including lack of motivation and procrastination so don’t think only web time needs adjustment. This weeks HOMOVISION REHAB with THE SWARMITE has been a bit serious but so is net addiction and the space it holds so I make no apology – sometimes we need to confront the mirror instead of the screen.

The Swarmite has dealt with his own addictive issues including sexual compulsion, he has been clean & sober since 1982 and has worked with sex addicts for over 20 years. More information including FREE Introduction Sessions, contact info and pages on Codependency, Counseling and Urban Addictions can be found at http://www.theswarmite.com