HOMOVISION REHAB with THE SWARMITE: ENLIGHTENMENT

Thankfully, enlightenment is not the prime property of religion. For many BOOZE is the true sauce of light. Some years ago, I went to ClubNight – The Glory Hole @ Central Station Kings Cross with a friend, he head to toe in Prada, posing to the left and right while I entered the backroom dressed for the occasion in cargos and tight top, rarin’ to go. The room darkened on entry and as I strode forth the crowd parted like the Red Sea as if Jesus had arrived. Wow, what an entry.

Then I saw a quickening figure come toward me in slow motion who then instantly projected vomit all over me. Then I knew why the sea had parted. Seconds stood still. I walked outside stunned to find Miss Prada more astonished than I – because not only was I in shock but totally unaware of what I looked like. I went to the washroom and took off the top, rinsing it in cold water as cottagers looked over their right shoulder in amazement. Then who should come in but “The Sicky” and he looked at me as if to say ” why don’t you wash clothes at home like everyone else “. Then I got ENLIGHTENED, I could have been anybody in the way of his immediate desire to chuck – he’s in blackout.

Blackout is when you don’t recall events during and after a skinful. Many gayers call this a mark of a good night out, LOL, but it’s not funny if during this blackout you lose phones, wallets, keys or can’t remember where the car is parked. Bruises, torn shirts and bloodstains make no sense next morning, as you gingerly ask around for clues. The Sickie’s reaction to my face brought floods of memories of my own drinking years before I was deemed ” a heavy drinker, someone “who enjoys a drink”, or labeled alcoholic. I had been there.

Because I was sober that night, and had been for over a decade or two, my reaction was not one of anger, attack or darkness. My first thought was pragmatic – what do I do now? . . . Miss Prada went all codependent on me, feeling my pain etc but stopped at offering a Prada hankie to wipe my brow. Standards. Quick as a flash, I said ” I’m professional darling, I’m not gonna let some drunk spoil my evening, I’ll go home, shower, change and come back. I retained my cloak ticket (cloakies made conversation in those days and held my ticket open, so did the door whore). During the 12 min walk home, then back to the club refreshed, I thought of all the times I had been in a state like Sickie and felt huge compassion for his plight. I had discovered from experience that recovering from addiction means a continuous quest for enlightenment in the form of lightening up including not taking things personally. If I had been drinking that night I dare not think of of the consequences of my reaction. BOOZE is the forgotten drug. Maybe not forgotten on late night police telly in Newcastle but certainly forgotten by gayers who drink more, socialise more and have more disposable income to piss up a wall. A few lines of coke after the sorbet seem tame by comparison.

Mind you when people suggested I cut down my drinking I told them to piss off so I wont play the same game here but ENLIGHTENMENT also means awareness and it’s this level that I suggest you judge. Alcohol being a depressant, kicks you in the arse at some point and the speed of a gayers timetable now means double damage over a decade of drinking. Does anyone go out without a drink anymore, or not return from work with bottles clanking in a Tesco bag to de-stress? Certainly socialising without alcohol IS a bummer but think of those who don’t like alcohol or the taste of it (hard to believe I know), they manage as I do to lead a full social life. Living without booze is not like living with no legs and the bonus comes past 50 when you look naturally 10 years younger. Trust me. If you or someone you know has an alcohol problem then I can tell you alcohol is NOT the problem, living WITHOUT ALCOHOL is the problem because you are faced with your own raw fears, insecurities and low esteem.

Functioning alcohol dependents can go on for years with a red face and skin like a road map, trudging from fuel stop to fuel stop, so if you wonder where old gayers go many end up at the Wine Shop, snarling at the world, their partners and themselves in blackout rage, pissing in the wardrobe coz they think they are in the bathroom or vomiting at will when the mood takes. Learning to cut down now in your 20’s & 30’s will save a lot of soul searching and apologies later, but the reality is that if you are a piss head the lash will take you down a peg or two in lost respect, relationships and work opportunities eventually. The other issue is that drunks attract drunks, chem lovers will always find another and relationships with either are not made in heaven. The behaviour of a heavy alcohol or drug user will affect up to 20 people around them so the answer is to gain enlightenment through truth, honesty and action. Oh! . . and next time take a small torch (and a change of clothes) into the backroom. LOL.

If you need help for yourself around booze checkout http://www.theswarmite.com and click BOOZE CHECK or for support links around URBAN ADDICTIONS http://www.theswarmite.com/clublands-therapist/urban-addictions