HOMOVISION REHAB with THE SWARMITE: SELF OBSESSION

Yes it’s all about ME. Everywhere from street junkies to X Factor, MY dream, what I’VE always wanted, where I’M going, it’s all about ME. Take last Friday night in Soho, most gayers continued to sup ‘n’ stare in Old Compton Street while Trafalgar Square regaled community spirit in silent dignity and community action. The Vigil, though well attended should have been packed into side streets. Thinking of someone else for once is a no-go it seems and in my experience as a therapist, it’s still MY needs that count not OURS in many open gay relationships. It’s a bit of a clue why homo’s can’t commit, we’ve been left to our own de(vices) for too long. We have no instruction manual for homo purpose.

The core of all addiction is self obsession as anyone who has partnered an addict will know, and the gay industry has taken this mantra to it’s heart. Check out QX Tit Mag – are my pecs in it this week?, flick the whores pages, bigger, better – it’s madness innit. We were remembering the impact of HATE CRIME and murder in the square while many Soho regulars were hating politics (too boring . . !), their relationships (too controlling) and their stomach (not flat enough). BTW – hating the way you look in the mirror IS a Hate Crime as well as judging others for being being too camp or too old. Who needs chavs to bash us on the street when internalised homophobia is all around us. How many gayers can look in the mirror and say I LOVE YOU? It sounds cod but try it. Followed by “I love myself exactly as I am”. We can all improve our lives, our body shape and our intellect but if we don’t love ourselves enough into action then we will never be satisfied.

The answer to self obsession is to break away from your usual habits and serve others. This unfortunately involves not thinking about yourself, so it’s a bummer straight away. I wonder how many gayers consciously serve others with no expectation of reward? The Secret Millionaire on C4 highlights the advantages of looking beyond your own needs. We know the script by now, the change of clothes, the reality of other peoples lives, kindness bestowed beyond expectation and the gratitude of all concerned. In all cases people lives are transformed beyond a cheque with new found purpose, the “Millionaire” feels authentic and humbled again without the trappings of power, status and prestige while the cheque holders really do “live their dream”, but the difference is they never asked for it. This is the purpose of GIFTING. This has always been MY DREAM on X Factor is so contrived with the bed-ridden granny staying alive to see the votes come in, the winner just part of a corporate profit for shareholders and the inevitable world domination already styled out. It’s not real, and never will be. Simon always WINS. I know which show holds more humanity, hope and purpose, I never cried when Leona won.

Volunteering in Britain has dramatically increased in recent years. According to the volunteering website (do-it.org.uk) applications to volunteer has more than doubled in a year to over 60,000. Treatment Centres will tell you in no uncertain terms that serving others is the answer for self obsession because it takes you away from yourself, your problems and your jaggered view of the world. This is why recovering addicts help other addicts and recovering gamblers help other gamblers but only when they are asked. If the addict in any form does not reach out for themselves for help you are talking to a brick wall and all they thank you for is nagging. All you can do is put information out there and wait for them to pick it up. Naming & shaming serves no purpose any more than naming the bars who ignored the 2 min silence last Friday for HATE CRIME. You can’t shame the shameless. When another gay bar gets blown up they may get it.

Trying too much to fix the lives of others and being a compulsive helper is more about codependency than service. Codependents always have a hidden agenda but volunteering is simply that, a giving of time, energy and experience to others without thought of reward. So next time you stagger home late Sunday morning consider the people, including many gayers, who staff THE FOOD CHAIN every Sunday who have left or are just leaving their house to prepare food for those unable to do so, due to the impact of living with the HIV+ virus. If everything the health charities told us about HIV was true there would be no need for this service, but then again no one really believes X Factor is fixed either. There is always a rush to do something “noble” late December with Crisis at Christmas when needs need to be met every Sunday with those suffering from the side impact of medication, depression or active addiction. Consider yourself worthy enough to give of yourself, to those who could use your experience, humour and fortitude as well as driving cars and chopping carrots. You will find community there, who are likely to club and drug too, except they get involved as well as tops off. The gay male scene needs mentors, daddies, and twinks, anyone able to pick up a phone – trust me – it will take you away from everything you consider to be important, like the committee in your head that tannoys out ” not good enough ” and do I really HAVE to go to the gym. You know you always feel better after you have been.

So instead of logging into another dating profile site log into http://www.foodchain.org.uk/ or seek out more themed blogs on http://www.theswarmite.com or even the NEW HOMO REHAB FAN PAGE on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/pages/HOMO-REHAB-with-The-Swarmite/198723290096?ref=ts