HOMOVISION REHAB with THE SWARMITE: SOCIAL PHOBIA

Think social phobia. Think sad mingers at home with a bag over their head not able to face themselves. Think sad and lonely who never go out or when they do they wear the imaginary bag to hide assumed imperfections while cruising. So who are these people? It’s not what you think. The guy next to you with hands in the air at Fire, his social phobia needs a little pick -up before he picks up. Don’t you know he has never left the house without support of some kind before the party starts, otherwise he couldn’t leave the front door.

Back in the days before disco, gayers needed a G&T at home to get through those double doors of the local gay pub. Taking your son down the pub is part of a father/son ritual as rigid as the plank you sat on having your first haircut with dad watching. Unless your dad is gay he is unlikely to take you to your first gay bar or show you how the lockers work at Chariots. So we learn to do this alone with no confidence whatsoever and power through regardless, editing fear. Back to now, the latest G&T’s are much more destructive, with brazen Tina a messy little madam to contend with after-hours.

On the one hand I can see that substance experimentation is to be praised as an act of non-conformism but when everyone is bang at it in a club we create a world of sameness and cloned chemical normality. Is this what we mean by tribal – a sense of belonging – and what’s the point of escaping human emotions anyway? If clubbers are wallpapering over the cracks of social phobia with chems and stimulants maybe we need to return to the roots and etiquette of disco, minus the powders of Studio 54. It was all about parading freedom & the music.

Constant chem use creates a social phobia of its own including depression, paranoia and body dysphoria. If your partner or flatmate is a chronic user, you will know what this means. Over time the natural emotional senses get overridden by “induced emotions” until we don’t know what is organically real and what is induced. This frequently leads to depression, bi-polar disorder, addictive behaviors and suicidal thinking – not new information for clubbers I admit.

Back in the days BG (before Gaydar) and before paramedics in clubs, shyness was seen as a character credit, a charming trait of seduction. Now it’s as sinful as owning an old mobile. The gay press projects onto us beaming muscle mary’s with the confidence of Obama, the chosen ones for a spread that is next weeks chip paper. Are those pics authentic? Do they portray human or induced emotion? Here’s an idea for a promoter – four days after the weekend you bring back the clubbers, sans chems n booze, and see who can connect with others eyeball to eyeball in conversation, many would wish they had a bag over their head I’m sure. Choose or be chosen but don’t ask me to speak. It won’t happen off course but what an interesting experiment in social phobia that would be. Yes I know you chat to guys in the street or gym drug free, so it’s possible (if you allow for roid rage).

The old hunting grounds of social phobes are passing – cottages, park cruising and chat lines. Now gaydar and the like remain the playgrounds of shy sharers or people who reject themselves in order to avoid rejection, hence no pic profiles and limited info. Why would you want to meet someone who says ” just ask “? Thats not social phobia, it’s laziness. No pic – must be bi with a girlfriend. Dream on. Since I have a commercial profile on gaydar (…..myrehab) sitting alongside 500 escorts and one very busy PC Repairman, I can tell you that many gayers over 35 are at home on a crack pipe endlessly clicking n clucking, afraid to go out. Even the dealer delivers. Some have written themselves off before they log on, while the majority never had the art of conversation to begin with since a long chem habit did the talking. I would guess that the majority of gaydar users are not like this but the jury is out on the growing number of 35+ stuck in a K hole of never meeting anyone, losing the art of human chemistry and going to bed at dawn. At one point socialphobics couldn’t get out the door, now they can’t get to work on time.

So how do you know if social phobia is the real you?

Here’s a HOMOVISION quiz to get you thinking.

* If you think you don’t fit in or look different from those guys in QX. Praise your uniqueness.

* I can’t go out till I look right. Check approval addiction.

* I can’t face large crowds or have patience to be selected. Check instant gratification.

* I am not good enough. Check 118 118 for a good therapist.

* If you perform rather than turn up. Check self centredness.

* If you can’t go out or have sex without chems. Check your human emotions.

* Do you wait to be chosen and get off yer face while waiting. Not a good look as the flower wilts.

* Are you aware that depression has become your new best friend. Seek help now.

If you think your mindset needs a makeover and your codependency on chems is causing problems check out:

http://www.theswarmite.com

http://twitter.com/mygaytherapist

http://www.gaydar.co.uk/…..myrehab