HOMOVISION REHAB WITH THE SWARMITE: APPROVAL ADDICTION

Clubland, Health, Highlights, Rehab by Swarmite Parker on May 19, 2009 at 8:00 am

Well it’s over – the weekend AND Eurovision – now it’s time to review at the HOMOVISION REHAB with THE SWARMITE. Not quite Betty Ford – more “Can I afford” to do this anymore come another comedown. It’s the Tuesday rethink.

My body is on the Guest List

Think of all the Celebrities that fill the pages of HEAT and CHAT . . . the likes of Kerry, Mossy and Amy. Poor Cow, she just doesn’t get it, does she? They all need the clap. “Steady on there” you may say, “that’s a bit vocal” – but the clap is what they need.

Applause, Approval and Admiration

You don’t need to wizz past the door whore to feel the preen of feathers rising, some queens count their own pec pics in QX each week or wake each morning to a flurry of approving messages on Gaydar. If nothing is in their in-box, depression mounts. This is someone’s pastime and we all know who they are (like half of London). It’s sadder than David Van Day, and that’s saying something.

gaydar

Muscle Marys, HIV and body image

Feeling shit about yourself is not just a Tuesday reality or a solo incident, many devour this menace into an art form every day of the week with or without chem support. Since most gayers begin to edit out spontaneous emotions at puberty as an act of survival they also learn through gay media that what we look like visually is a meal ticket to approval.

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  • Leftgay : Thanks for feedback, you are correct, early editing of feelings at gay puberty pushes the desire to be liked, to fit in and be part of something. It sounds as if you have worked on yourself enough to make the changes needed and got just reward as well as inspiring others to re-adjust thinking, habits and behaviors. Yes, we ARE enough and yes the old ways do return but we have a choice whether we act them out or not. I always remind myself that feelings aren't facts.
  • Leftgay
    I think I was probably an approval addict, there were times I used to go out before I was with my current boyfriend.. and if I didn't gain some form of positive attention (I.E compliment, kiss, fumble in the toilets) I would either get chemmed up to the point of not caring or go home miserable and hating myself, believing I must have made the wrong choice in clothes, hair or needing to go to the gym for an entire year before even bothering again. Then I would have some form of positive attention the following night and feel completely validated, making me want to go out more.

    Now having someone in my life that likes me for who I really am, rather than the image I am trying to project.. the need for validation diminishes. I couldnt give a shit if I'm not wearing the latest trainers or I ate too many carbs all week... however.. it never *completely* goes away.. I think the need to be liked by everyone probably comes from the early shame of being gay or different.
  • Bill&Ben
    Joeyboy despite the fact you're not interested in what Madge has to say there are lots of queens/lesbians and inbetweenies (lol) that are ready to come down and benefit from what he writes about.

    Surely it can feel a bit relentless if you follow every blog but you can decide what you click on? It is telling that you click on his blog and get so wound up about it :)

    There are no queer self help books that speak to this generation and Madge is stepping up to the mark. Who else writes about the need for validation from your gaydar inbox? Don't tell me you don't feel better about yourself when u have a full box luv?!

    Anyways... do whatever floats your boat joeyboy.

    I like reading the old cows blogs coz most of the time she's on the button and quite possibly that is what makes you uncomfortable.
  • joeyboy
    We can all do with less of this...

    He is still on the same mission!

    Sorry guys I have never felt any warmth towards bitter bitching queens.

    Homovision is not the place to rant - go do it elswhere and give us all the opportunity to focus on other issues pending - and far more important than slagging off people on face book.
  • Oh Dear Joeyboy it IS a Comedown Tuesday innit? But thanx for sharing. No one wants to change your outlook at all, whatever makes you happy go with it. We have.
  • Joeyboy
    Stop whining and winging

    U sound like critical, bitter old faddies

    Let people do whatever makes them happy and focus on ur own bored lives for a change.
  • a LONGER article? . . . another size queen. LOL. Yes Paul, Sex Addiction is in fact an aspect approval addiction and I think people pleasing on facebook deserves a longer article on healthier net etiquette too. Watch this TUESDAY space . . .
  • swarmite, as someone who's seen up close just how destructive approval addiction can be, i think you hit the nail on the head.

    another good example: facebook profiles festooned with soft-porn profile pics and endless invitations to comment on how fabulous the profile owner is.

    i think a lot of what people call sexual addiction is actually approval addiction and for whatever reason some gay men are especially prone to it, with potentially devastating effects on themselves, their parters and their ability to relate to others in anything but a manipulative and needy way.

    i'd definitely be interested in seeing a longer article on this.
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