THE SWARMITE’S HOMOVISION REHAB: DEBT

The new love that dare not speak it’s name is DEBT.

Unlike cocks, the bigger the debt, the bigger secret to withhold, so HOMOVISION REHAB with THE SWARMITE will attempt to spill the beans on financial shame for you this week as you count how much you spunked up the wall in the last three days, semi-dazed. Gay debt is no different from straight debt but the route we take to acquire it is likely to be different as many gayers live in the world of disposable income, instant gratification and status anxiety.

Here’s the back cover blurb from Oliver James’s best seller AFFLUENZA where he refers to affluence and the need for it to be seen as a virus:

“An epidemic of “affluenza” is sweeping through the English-speaking world, an obsessive, envious, keeping-up-with-the-Joneses, that makes us twice as prone to depression, anxiety and addictions than people in other developed nations”. Inside the book he continues . . . “the widespread depression and anxiety created by the Virus are crucial for Selfish Capitalism. To fill the emptiness and loneliness, and to replace our need for authentic, intimate relationships, we resort to the consumption that is essential for economic growth and profits. The more anxious and depressed we are, the more we must consume, and the more we consume, the more disturbed we become. Consumption holds out the false promise that an internal lack can be fixed by an external means. Compensation for personal misery is why people with this AFFLUENZA virus are at greater risk of illegal substance abuse but more important LEGAL “aholia’s : shopaholia ( till we drop ), workaholia, sex, alcohol and the other compulsions of mass consumption. We medicate our misery through buying things: it’s purveyors have never pretended otherwise.”

Written for a mass hetero readership, gayers can only smile with the multiplication of behaviours our lifestyle demands, especially on the club scene. No wonder we get cashpoint concussion in front of our mates – CARD RETURNED or REFER TO BANK – the shame of financial rejection – must be the Bank’s fault.

No wonder gayers consume mood altering substances, develop alcohol dependency and depression much more than the remaining 90% of the population. The net will provide you with all the back up figures if you waver this conclusion so it’s best if we get clear on debt and detox out the harmful behaviors we love so much.

Addictions and compulsive using costs money. Where do twinks get money from to withstand a London lifestyle? The truth is that most uni grads have a £15K debt before they hit pay packet so what’s another £10K into the pot for mild London living. Along with the general population no one waits for anything or saves for anything anymore. I paid my price for an extravagant lifestyle with 15 credit cards and 5 bank accounts in 1984 when I went voluntarily bankrupt for £38K ( about £120K in today’s money ) followed by 5 years with no credit at all, anywhere. Finding a boyfriend is often the inroad to greater debt – so you find this fantastic guy and in order to capture the deal quickly you move in together, one has the deposit, the other one doesn’t – so one pays both for the other to owe. This happens a lot. Without even a civil union some guys think it is their responsibility to pay the partners debts, thinking a clean slate will last and fix the partners habits. It doesn’t because the habit of spending, shopping, dealers & escorts is hooked into a pattern of denial and unconsciousness. I know of many relationships that stay together because one partner owed the other money (by leaving they think they will never get the money back), then you get partners who sign financial guarantees for loan repayment. The boyfriend disappears soon after the money is banked and the partner is left holding the debt.

Recovery from debt begins with accepting you have a debt problem. Some people can’t even open credit card envelopes or fear the contents imaginingg this HUGE amount. In truth the reality of checking is far better than the fear of knowing. It’s about personal responsibility and so is a recovery process that involves financially dieting. There is something chemically powerful about confrontation. Surrendering the fear to having knowledge of a solution is uplifting and plausible, so asking a non-judgemental mate to help you sort it out makes sense. Open the bills together and add them up. It takes less than 10 mins. See whether your debt is manageable or off the scale and seek help from debt agencies, Citizens Advice Bureau or other avenues. Dealing with it quickly raises esteem, trust me.

If you have always had a debt issue then breaking the cycle with Debtors Anonymous may assist you from repeating patterns. One of the most informative books on the subject is by Jerrold Mundis who’s book is a simple, proven- effective formula for freeing yourself from debt – and staying that way. It is based on the principles and techniques used by Debtors Anonymous and called “How to Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt & Live PROSPEROUSLY”.

As in my own Swarmite case of debt history, debt is the end result of low esteem, people pleasing and codependency and all these issues need to be tackled alongside repayment of debt. Releasing the shame of debt and the subconscious patterns that caused it is slow, often painful but essential for long term growth. Coaching can pay for itself by reduction of habits, whores and compulsive spending.

The SwarmiteREHAB with 14 pages of information and regular blogs is open 24/7: http://www.theswarmite.com